mADdening
I was walking back from the library with two armfuls of North Korea books today (do I have a glamorous job, or WHAT?), and I passed a bus-shelter ad that read,
“If this glass was a floor, we’d clean it.”
It was—obviously—for some sort of cleaning product, but frankly I was just too blinded by geeky editorial peevishness to notice which one. WERE, people. If this glass WERE a floor, goddammit. It’s irresponsible ads like this one that are turning us into a nation of mumbling droolers. Drooling mumblers. I had the urge to steal back to the shelter some late night and spray-paint WERE over WAS in big red editorial pen. I could make it my life’s work. My moonlighting job: Grammar Graffitist. My tag could be a string of copyediting marks. Caret caret delete run-in. All stetted. There should be more Grammar Graffiti. Or some, anyway. The world would be a much better place.
You scoff. Oh yeah, I can hear you. But I’ll bet Bob the Angry Flower will help me. Just you wait. Together, nothing can stop us.