i hate all my nightgowns

One year ago today, the slob was born, awkwardly and inauspiciously. Like so many births. One year under my belt�and only a pathetic 40 entries to show for it. That only works out to one post every 9.125 days. Not so great. I’d say I’ll do better this coming year, but I’ve never been one for promises. So, actually, I guess I wouldn’t say that.

I’ve heard a number of people talk about how blogging has changed their lives—in big, important ways for some, and, for others, in those little everyday ways that start to add up after a while. I have to admit that I don’t feel that the slob has changed much for me particularly, although it does provide yet another opportunity to look over past stuff and think, “I wrote that? Huh.” Sometimes it’s a good “huh” and sometimes not. I can live with that.

Now, with no further ado—and with one last chance to raise my average for the year—here’s post #41. Thus bringing me up to the much more respectable rate of one entry per 8.9 days.

Because the world has a cruel sense of humor, I have recently been subjected, in the space of just ONE WEEK, to a total of four announcements from friends and family that they are imminently journeying to Italy. One at a time I can take. Not without a certain degree of jealousy, but generally without actual venom. But FOUR is simply too much. In fact, I had already had enough when the third email rolled in. Enough that I was simultaneously swearing under my breath and scrabbling for the phone so that I could call fred baby and complain like the selfish bitch that I so frequently am. Then, EVEN AS I WAS ON THE PHONE WHINING, fred baby and I both got an email from a mutual friend. Hey, guess what? He’s going to Italy! And by the way, would we have any travel tips to offer?

Porca miseria!

So, because the cruel universe has me pining over Rome, and because lists have served me so often and so well over the past year, I will commemorate my bloggiversary (fred baby’s term) with a list of things to do in Rome. And the bonus? Now if you’re going to Rome, you don’t have ask me for tips! You don’t even have to tell me you’re going! We all win.

(That’s not really true, of course, because I’ll secretly want you to ask me for tips before you go so that I can rhapsodize about all the things to do in Rome, and then after you go I’ll want to look at all your pictures and hear about everything so that I can experience everything vicariously. Does that sound okay?)

slob’s personal top (not necessarily in order) 14 (because I couldn’t stop at 10) things to do in Rome (by request of fresca), about half of which involve food.

1. Tazza D’Oro. Possibly the best cup of espresso in the world, to be drunk standing at a beautiful long bar with great machines gleaming behind it. Just off the Piazza del Rotonda, at Via degli Orfani, 84.
2. Giolitti. An awesome gelateria. This spot is also off Piazza del Rotonda, at Via degli Uffici del Viccario, 40. And be sure not to miss the Pantheon itself—I seem to remember once hearing it compared to a geode, which is very apt. I’ve come to love the outside as well as the inside, but it is admittedly rather hulking and gray. Once you step through its doors, though, it opens up into what must be one of the most perfect spaces ever created.
3. Bernini’s elephant, in the Piazza della Minerva (behind the Pantheon). A sweet sculpture with a less sweet history: tradition holds that Bernini, in a tiff with church officials over the statue’s design, positioned this guy’s rear rather disrespectfully relative to Santa Maria Sopra Minerva, the church on the piazza.
4. The Knights of Malta keyhole. This oversized keyhole is in a gate off the Piazza dei Cavalieri di Malta (Square of the Knights of Malta). The gate leads to gardens that are off-limits to all but knights, but the keyhole perfectly frames St. Peter’s Basilica, accented by well-placed foliage. It’s especially nice at sunset.
5. Browsing Porta Portese, the Sunday flea market. I remember getting cones of fresh-roasted peanuts. Yum.
6. Fontana delle Tartarughe—the Turtle Fountain. Located in Piazza Mattei, which as I remember was part of a somewhat shabby but not unsafe-feeling artisan’s quarter, near the old Jewish Ghetto, the fountain is charming and the neighborhood is, too. We went into a cute little gift shop here where one of the employees was eager to practice his English—and to tell us that Matt Damon had been in the neighborhood during the filming of The Talented Mr. Ripley. On a related note, we also went into a store—in a completely different area of the city—that was playing the Ripley soundtrack. Who would’ve thought a city with as many movies under its belt as Rome would be so excited about one more?
7. Crossing the Tiber on Ponte Sant’Angelo. Easy, free, and gorgeous. There are other ways across the river, of course, but this has got to be one of the prettiest.
8. Eating roasted chestnuts near the Spanish Steps, or at the Christmas Fair (lasting into January) at Piazza Navona. You can smell these from miles away and they are SO good. I’ve contemplated setting up a stand of my own in Minneapolis—I think it would be very smart. (For those not going at Christmastime, here’s an alternative: Paying your respects to the she-wolf. The original statue is in the Palazzo dei Conservatori museum, but there’s a replica tucked behind the Piazza del Campidoglio. If I remember correctly, there’s a nice view from here, looking down into the Forum, and framed by rhododendron bushes.)
9. Lunch on the steps of Santa Maria in Aracoeli, next to the Piazza del Campidoglio. Pick up sandwiches—or just bread and cheese—at a deli and take a seat to watch the crazy intersection below. We sat there for close to an hour and left unable to believe that we hadn’t seen an accident. Say hi to Marcus Aurelius, and Castor and Pollux.
10. The view from the top of St. Peter’s. It’s worth the (long, steep, potentially scary) climb. Be forewarned, however: at a certain point the stairway grows too narrow and too tightly spiraled to accommodate a railing, so a rope hanging from somewhere above serves in its place. When my best friend—who has a terrible fear of heights—saw that, she got a little panicky. “PLEASE tell me we are not supposed to hang onto a ROPE.” But when we got to the view, even she was glad we’d done it.
11. A walk or a picnic on the old Appian Way, looking at the ruins and the umbrella pines. I don’t think I’ve been lucky enough to see these trees anywhere but Italy.
12. Window shopping along Via Condotti and Via del Corso. Plenty of pure Gucci glamour here.
13. Lunch at a “bar”—a little shop that serves coffee, food, and liquor too. I used to love the sandwiches—crusts cut off and lots of butter. Also: eating french fries at restaurants. Trust me. You won’t think that this is what you should be eating in Rome, but they fry them in olive oil or something and they’re like a whole new food. I’ve ordered them with everything. Pasta, pizza, EVERYTHING.
14. Being aware of the light. Rome has the most wonderful, indescribable quality of light, and I know I’m not the first to mention it. But it’s like nowhere else in the world, and you’ll miss it when you’ve gone.

update, 2.24: Okay, this is UNBELIEVABLE. After I’d written yesterday’s post, I spoke to a coworker who asked, casually enough, if I remembered much about Rome. “Oh, yes,” I replied. “Then you should really talk to coworker X,” she continued, “he’s going in just a couple of weeks!”

I think my response might have caught her a bit off guard.

Honestly, I was thinking about all this some more—as I’m being forced to—and deep down I really do want everyone to get the chance to see Rome. As long as they promise to like it, that is. But people, can we PLEASE space it out a little?!?!?!